he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
