"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
