just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
