Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
