All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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