for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
