I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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