I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
