i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
