I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
