Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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