please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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