well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
