Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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