Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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