I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
