this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Those nachos came to me in a dream
not ubering you a puppy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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