I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
