Can i not drive my cunt home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
