Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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