i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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