my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
either way he was missing a nipple.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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