I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize