Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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