He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
