all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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