I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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