Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
