I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
