you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize