He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize