if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
