I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
