Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
