yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
