my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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