Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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