So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
40s are totally the cure
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
