I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I smell like Dick and happiness
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