So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize