Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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