just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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