I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
