i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
