So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
