so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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