Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
