He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
