i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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