dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In America we eat man semen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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