She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
