I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
