ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Bring me that man meat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
