i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
