hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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