Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
