thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
