I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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