Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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