TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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