Kiss
Puke
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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