I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
