on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
