Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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