so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
