I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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