I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
