I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize