My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
